HELPERS, bless them, they cook, clean and wash for us. They know some of our deepest secrets, and even know what the hubby’s  boxers look like. Without them, some families would be in chaos.

Today domestic workers are becoming so powerful that many marriages and relationships are threatened.

Some men are sleeping with their helpers, and one in five cases of infidelity in Uganda in the past year has involved a helper.

These women are often younger, stylish, enlightened, single and struggling with financial issues, and many of the men they sleep with are doing well financially. With money and power comes a sense of entitlement. Psychologists have found out that men like to use their masculinity to advance their power by picking on weaker people such as maids and young girls.

In fact, these days the helpers – unlike the old mamas who used to do domestic work in berets, overalls and uniforms – are younger, wear stylish clothes, are sexier, more educated and because of their age they are very vulnerable and available to their male bosses.

This is made worse by television and other media that sexualizes women in subservient and submissive positions. By nature power is attractive and maids are at risk because they may also be attracted to the allure of male power.

However, the power dynamic works both ways because maids are also privy to the private lives of those who pay them. Maids get to see their secrets. So, in a way, the bosses are beholden to the maid, who now has power over them. Another thing that makes domestic workers attractive,in my view, is that the excitement of the forbidden fruit can be erotic and edgy.

What is happening? Are men threatened by empowered women? A friend of mine here in the Newsroom says, “The biggest reason men are playing hanky- panky with the maid is emotional dissatisfaction”. Studies by marriage counselor Gary Neumann seem to support his argument, also showing that 48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheat. He says men are emotionally driven beings who want their wives to show them that they’re appreciated.

From this observation, it is as though professional women have become so masculine, distant and aggressive that they’ve become a turn off to men. Many women use their salary and position at work to transform themselves from the beautiful feminine woman they are into becoming more masculine at home. This makes feminine and submissive maids at home very attractive to men.

What attracts men to women is women’s femininity. This is the same way women find masculinity attractive in men.


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